Wondering notes

 So, it's been a while. I'm recovering from the surgery ok, I've got a post-op appointment next week. My psychiatrist is changing my meds again, so now my head is all wrong and confusing and the depression is coming back. I spent all morning yesterday crying in my bed for no apparent reason. Oh, in more news, my parents are coming to visit. The last two weeks of July. And, apparently, it's my job to come up with things to entertain them, so I'm working on a list. They aren't staying in my house though, thank goodness.  I've been looking for a job, but can't seem to get one. Perks of a small town, I guess. People tend to hire candidates they know, regardless of who has a better resume. The tape is finally coming off the incisions on my stomach, which kind of scares my husband I think. He's been insisting that I take it easy and don't overdo things and he won't even let me run a mower or drive anywhere far on my own. That's ok, though. He...

 I know I just posted the last post, but I started writing it a week ago and now most of those fears are unfounded.  I underwent laparoscopic surgery on Tuesday, as planned. After the surgery, my heart rate was elevated, sitting at around 110bpm even though I wasn't doing anything.  My surgeon, who is amazing, decided I should spend the night, just in case. Sort of a 'better safe than sorry' situation. So, I spent the night. My face was tingly, my heart rate elevated some, I didn't really sleep, but I did manage to figure out what happened. I told my mom that I was spending the night and explained my symptoms to her. She said, 'Did they give you morphine? I'm allergic to that.' Hmmm. Not something she mentioned when I asked for the family medical history, but whatever. None of the nurses had mentioned giving me morphine. However, on a hunch, I asked the night nurse if there was possibly morphine given to me during the surgery (when I was knocked out). Turns ...

 So, I'm having surgery on Tuesday (Today is Friday, so that's four days from writing this). It's a laparoscopic surgery to find out if I have endometriosis, or PCOS or what the fuck is going on in my body. A good thing. I'm so fucking stressed about it though. I'm worried they won't find anything, I'm worried they will find something and it'll be real bad, I'm just straight up worried.