So, it's been a week...

 Hey! Back again. Almost forgot, but you've gotta give me a break on this one.

I just got six teeth pulled, three wisdom, three molars, and two implants started. I say started, because an implant consists of two parts, the base that is basically a screw that goes in your bone and the top part. I got the  bases screwed in on Wednesday last week.

Anyway, things are happening. I've got this brother, he's like 15 or something now, and he's got bipolar, among other things. Every year around this time, he takes off and there's a bit of a buzz around him leaving until he's found.

At this point, he's done it so often that it's basically old news in my family, and there's such a network of people who know to keep an eye out for him my parents usually know where he is and what he's doing within a few hours of him leaving.

I know, awful that this doesn't incite more panic in the family, but you need to understand some things about this brother. He runs away every year, sometimes multiple times a year. He is responsible for a lot of things ending, like going out to supper as a family for birthdays and just because, and family trips that were taken just because we wanted a holiday. Basically, for the last 13+ years of his life, he has held the rest of the family hostage with his anger and his mood swings and his reactive attachment disorder.

He took off a few weeks ago, and due to a convoluted set of circumstances, ended up staying with one of my mom's distant cousins. He's still there now, and my parents are FINALLY realizing what a hold he had on the family. It sounds awful, but I don't think he'll ever be going back to live with my parents. 

Honestly, it's about time. My younger siblings, aged 11-6, don't deserve to live the way that we did for so long. According to one of my sisters, who is oldest and often has pretty reliable information, this is causing my parents to re-evaluate everything, including their relationship with me and my younger sister, because we're the ones who basically had to give up our entire childhoods for this brother. 

Goodness, now I'm crying and one of my contacts fell out. 

Apparently, my parents are intending to reach out and actually apologize for the hurt and pain they caused, my dad because he was never emotionally available and my mom because she relied on us way more than any parent should rely on a child, and that ended up pushing both of us away.

I told my sister, and I do believe it myself, that any chance of real reconciliation between me and my mom was gone five years ago, when I first started figuring out that things weren't right with me and she mentioned that she knew and just didn't see it as that big of a deal. When I was getting ready to move and had to get a copy of my medical records and discovered that I hadn't seen a doctor for ten years when I was growing up, you'd better believe I cried. To me, that was the evidence of neglect I'd always known had happened but couldn't prove. 

Good grief, a heavy one this week. Oh well. I've got an appointment with a psychiatrist later today and a therapy appointment tomorrow again, so hopefully I can start working through some of these things.

Toodles!

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