BPD Awareness Month

 I just learned something interesting. May is BPD awareness month. Hooray. I'm definitely aware of it, that's for sure. 

Been feeling empty lately. My hobby cycle seems to have shifted from my cross stitch to playing video games, which is both good and bad. Bad because my cross stitch isn't finished, good because it's a lot more portable this time. 

I've applied for jobs, made it to the second round of one even, but I just can't bring myself to care. Nothing feels important anymore. My passion is gone and that's terrifying. 

Bright side, it'll probably come back. It did last time this happened, but less. It's starting to feel like the lows are getting lower and longer and the highs are shorter and not as high. Like I said, terrifying.

Another fun fact lies in the suicide stats for people with BPD. 70% of people suffering from BPD attempt and 10% succeed. That's higher than any rate for anyone, with or without different psychiatric disorders. Not a fan of that statistic, gonna be honest.

I'm not suicidal. I won't do anything to hurt myself intentionally. But it would be ok if something were to kill me, like an accident or something. Just so this all ends. Feels like I've never been really happy, like I never will be happy. 

I call that secondary suicide, or suicide by proxy. I'm sure there's a real name for it, but I don't really care all that much about the details of it.

Wow, two in one week again, I'm crushing it. BPD awareness month is stupid. There doesn't need to be an awareness month for anything and everything. 

Talk later, I guess.

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