Isn't family great?

 So, my appointment on Thursday with a new therapist went as well as expected. She agreed with the first psychiatrist that I likely have BPD. How fun.

Anyway, this new(ish) diagnosis came with a resolve to tell my mother. My mother tends to minimize the trauma that was caused in my childhood, likely because none of us like to be reminded of our mistakes. But here was solid proof that a good chunk of my childhood wasn't good. I knew that this was true before, but there's something about getting confirmation of a suspicion.

I told her on Saturday. Her immediate reaction? 'Oh, that's genetic. Dad has it too.'

Of course, it can't have anything to do with her. Some quick research later, and it turns out that there is a genetic component, but genetics aren't the only factor. From my understanding, and I may be wrong, a large portion of it is triggered by environmental factors, namely trauma. So I shared this tidbit of information with my mom, and she told me 'don't go looking for trauma, it only ends badly'.

Why not, Mom? Scared I'll find something that destroys your tall tales about a perfect family?

Clearly, I've got some issues with her that I haven't worked through. If I'm honest, it's usually because it's easier to just let her think what she thinks and quietly deal with my issues myself. One of my sisters isn't in a place where she's willing to do that yet, so anytime she's home gets really tense.

I'm not saying that looking for trauma in a childhood I don't remember isn't going to potentially mean false memories or things like that. However, the mere fact that I don't remember large chunks, and significant events, of my childhood is an indicator that there is some trauma. There are photos of family vacations that I have no memory of at all. 

Anyhoo, I'm sure that'll be unpacked some in my first therapy appointment tomorrow. Got that to look forward to, and then, the very next day, I'm getting my wisdom teeth pulled and two implants started. 

Brush your teeth, kids.